Tuesdays in Lent - First Week

James 1.16-25; Matthew 7.21-end

For our Lent mediations this year we are following what St. John Chrysostom calls the 'Five Paths to Repentance', that is, Condemnation of our own sins; Forgiving our enemies; Prayer; Almsgiving; Humility. We are doing this as we use Lent this year to think about our own personal spiritual life, our need for repentance or turning the heart to God. I was saying on Ash Wednesday and on Sunday that repentance is a life long process. As we turn away from sin and turn our heart to God and live our life in response to and in co-operation with God, the devil at every turn tries to stop us with one subtle or not so subtle tactic. We need to be aware of this, the whole time. That doesn't mean that we have to feel that we are being taunted all the time, or live in fear that we might go wrong or off the rails, or that the devil is waiting around every corner and so live with anxiety or in fear. It just calls for awareness that there are those forces within and without that will take us away from God. But then in that state of awareness and especially at this time of Lent, we can do the real work of addressing our sins, addressing all those states of mind and heart and behaviour that we call sin. And then in faith turn again to God.

In these Lent weekday meditations I will be using Bible readings mainly from those suggested by the great Russian saint, St. Theophan the Recluse, in his work 'Turning the Heart to God', readings which help us in a serious examination of our life, to ask ourselves how well we measure up to what God requires of us. And we have to remind ourselves right away that as we turn to God, His Spirit will help us. The grace of God is there, coming to our aid all through this process. God doesn't leave us to do all of this work ourselves. We work in a sort of partnership where our will conforms to God's will, with His help. So, where do we start?

St. John Chrysostom gives us the starting point, which is, 'Condemnation of our own sins'. Jesus and St. James remind us very graphically that we have to take action in the Christian life if what they tell is us going to make a difference to us and to the world. We hear from Jesus and the Apostles how we, each individual Christian, should think and speak and behave. But we can't just leave it at hearing. We must act. Only taking action makes any difference at all. And it has to be the right action. Not only do we build, but we build on rock. Hearing Jesus' words and acting on them is like building on rock. And the first of our right actions according to St. John is to condemn our own sins. To do that we need to face them, be aware of them, we need to identify them and own up to them.

St. James says that somebody who doesn't act on what they hear, who simply listens to the message but doesn't act on it is like someone who sees their own reflection in a mirror and then on moving away from the mirror forgets what they saw. Sometimes we look in the mirror and we like what we see and we remember that. Sometimes we look in a mirror and we'd rather forget, when we see another wrinkle, another grey hair, bags under the eyes or a double chin! Looking at our sin is like holding up a mirror to our heart. We may do that often but do we remember what we see? Do we dare remember? I guess that most often we don't like what we see so we forget. The mind is peculiarly adept at pushing back down the memory of those sins that we'd rather not remember. And then those memories, hidden down below are like sharks gliding backwards and forwards silently, in the dark depths, just biding their time. And at an opportune time they will surface to torment us.

Jesus and St. James and St. John say between them that we should look at those sins and condemn them. Accept that we were wrong inasmuch as what we did or said or thought was not within the will of God but came out of our own self-centredness and ego, out of our own selfish will, and we should condemn them. We should admit those deeds and words and thoughts were wrong, to ourself and to God and condemn them.

Now notice that St. John says we condemn the sin, he doesn't say condemn ourself. And why not? Because God forgives us absolutely. Nowhere in the Bible does Jesus condemn people for their sins. He forgives and says don't do it again. And that's the next step. That's the next action. And for that we need a new dedication, a new zeal to live according to the will of God and not to fall into sin again. We are saying to God 'Thy will be done' in me. But because we are human we will fall into sin again. This process is like a tug of war with God's will at one end of the rope, the devil at the other and us right in the middle. And we can feel pulled to and fro until it hurts. But the good news is that once we gain momentum in God's direction, when we renew our dedication to God, renew our zeal to live in His way, in comes His Grace to help us. This is repentance. This is turning the heart to God. And the first step is to condemn our own sin, hate our sin, run from it as fast as we can. Then we can get the wind of God's Grace at our back and receive, at the same time, his forgiveness. And a most wonderful thing about God is that when we fall again and again and again, we can get up and start over again and again and again, and God forgives us seventy times seven times, that is, as much forgiveness as it takes to win us over. Because we have a God that loves us so much He died for us.

So, St. John calls us today to look into our hearts, remember what we see, condemn the sin, receive God's forgiveness and then start out anew with a new determination that God's will will be done in us.